Instead of sitting here, pondering life about whether I'm going to get married one day, have a family, if I"m in a job that I want to call my career for the rest of my life, I'm sitting here wondering how to make my current life livable.
I turned twenty eight years old today and I'm allergic to everything. Food, environmental triggers, animals, medications, scents and now water. For four years now, I've been redirecting my life around my chronic illnesses. For four years, I began to accept the new journey I'm on, but never thought that it could take a turn like it did. I've accustomed my daily routines to a life without peanuts, fish, dairy, wheat, most fruits and almost all seasoning. And now I have to figure out how to live with as little water as possible. The thing is, though, I was able to take as much control as I could because everything I was allergic to was coming from an outside source. Being allergic to water means that I'm reacting to my own body. I am allergic to myself now.
Four years ago, nothing significant happened to me to make my body turn on itself. No head injury, no trauma of any kind. It just happened out of nowhere, almost overnight. It's not fair. It's not like I want somebody else to go through what I'm going through, I just don't understand why it happened to me.
The life I originally dreamt of having died four years ago and new dreams were made with the new diagnosis' I was given. Today, those dreams will be buried and I don't know if I have anymore in me at this point. I cannot grieve the life I thought I was going to have, because that'll mean I will cry and tears are water and my eyes already feel as if acid has been poured on them every single day. My mouth blisters and cracks when I drink water to stay hydrated. When I shower, my skin slops off my body like wet tissue paper.
I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm disappointed. There's not one part of me that can find the "bright side" in being chronically ill.
There are chronic illness influencers out there that share their personal journeys. I'm extremely grateful for them and a lot of them have helped me get through hurdles that I didn't think I could get over. The only thing is that I wish that I selfishly had more to be able to relate to. So while I am going through all of this, I may as well try to be the person I need for someone else.
As of today, I'm diagnosed with the following in the past four years:
Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome - PoTS
Small Fiber Neuropathy
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis - CFS/ME
Eosinophilic Esophagitis - EoE
Chronic Idiopathic u=Urticaria - CIU
Hereditary Alpha Tryptasemia - HaTS
Mast Cell Activation Syndrome/Mast Cell Disease - MCAS
Aquagenic Urticaria - AU
If there's anything specific you'd like to hear about, please let me know. I post frequently to instagram and my email is always open!