There are a few videos floating around my for you page on TikTok that have really hit me in a sense that I wasn’t expecting from a social media app. It starts out with a person yelling awful things to themselves, about themselves. Calling themselves “stupid” and “incompetent” and things like that. Then it switches over to another clip of them, usually in another outfit that’s more bright and ‘childish’, and they’re saying “you’re not that good of a friend”. That second person is their inner child. It hurts so much because that’s how I speak to myself and I’ve never even thought to look at it from that point of view.
There are other videos that come up with people listening to their inner child and doing things for them, because that’s what they never got when they were actually that child. It just didn’t click that the two go hand in hand for me.
I’ve been in a very dark place mentally for quite some time this year. It has nothing to do with the pandemic as it has to do with my own health and just my day to day life.
This has pushed me to look up how to “heal your inner child” and search (mainly Pinterest) the internet with help, because who can really afford therapy?
Meditation is a big thing across the board when you look up how to heal your inner child, but I’m honestly awful at that. I can disassociate quite well, but meditation is a different ballpark.
Journaling is also extremely common when it comes to any type of healing. I mean, that’s technically what I’m doing here.
I think my biggest hardship when it comes to this, is that I don’t remember much of my childhood. I don’t remember myself as a child, so I don’t know how to talk to her, let alone relate.
So what do I do? How do I help a little girl that is lost and terrified when I don’t even know her?